It just sucks that for years, I couldn’t go out on the weekend almost if I wanted to hold down a job or school because then it would fuck up my sleeping disorder. Also I wasn’t able to be as productive as I wanted to be because I would sleep for like 10-12 hours sometimes and then I would be up for less then 15 hours if I didn’t want to fuck up my sleep routine. I remember being stuck being awake all night not being able to wake up in the day time and not being able to sleep at night being like nocturnal. I used to
Hide it and be ashamed of my disorder but eventually I decided I have to be open about it because I needed friends and it seriously impacted my life, and people wouldn’t believe me, I was just met with hatred. I had to walk out of clinics because countless doctors refused to believe me.

Basically I couldn’t wake up in the morning sometimes unless I got like 10-12 hours of sleep and I absolutely couldn’t wake up I would set alarms and I would sleep through them I couldn’t control myself in the morning, I’ve lost jobs because I couldn’t wake up on time.

I also just couldn’t keep a normal schedule, my circadian clock would shift around the actual hour/clock.

I felt so much pain that I felt completely overwhelmed in so much pain just from not being able to wake up in the morning or keep a steady sleep schedule.

And then all of a sudden, it all just goes away in America? Like wtf is that. I sleep for like 5 hours in America and I wake up feeling fine. I wake up early in the morning.


And that’s another thing I often don’t feel like I’m rested enough like I never sleep well in Canada. I had a really bad nightmare as a kid. I have had dreams that have come true, premonitions. I was trapped inside a casket while still being alive, and I would toss and turn and try to move but I was just trapped there for a really long time unable to escape, the feeling was so bad. And that’s honestly how it always felt. It was so awful.