Anonymous
8/5/2025, 7:35:02 AM
No.11349492
>>11348590
Yeah. If there was some sort of decision or tradeoff made before birth, I suspect overall I made the right decision. But there definitely was a trade, or a merging of different motivational factors. eg I didn't have sex till I was like 30, despite several women I was interested in pursuing me and even asking me out for most of my life, I rejected them as though it was part of a script or I was programmed to do it. This caused immense despair and I continued to do it without knowing why. Later I developed whole body nerve pain, damage to the cervical spine, etc. So the whole body is kind of numb most of the time, and I live outside the body in many ways. While fapping is fine I found that the thursting motion causes, while not numbness outright, decreased sensation and difficulty orgasming. It still feels good and I can go all night, but yeah. I suspect this is due to a scoliosis and pinching the nerves in the lower spine or pelvis, possibly a fracture to the tailbone which was also part of my lifescript (kid pulled out a chair before I sat down, xrays a decade or so later showed the tailbone had been broken and the spine was full of tiny fractures due to the scoliosis and disc compression). I mean even as I write this, if I were to put myself directly in the body instead of seeing it as a sort of puppet, it would agony. Neck fucked up, whole body just aches, I suppose i should appreciate it continuing to do as I demand. Possibly I was just brainwashed as a child, hypnotized repeatedly. Hence not remembering most of my life.
Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. Earth is fucked up and I really don't like the whole "gist" of the thing, seeing how it's obviously designed to work. Sucks that you had something like that happen. Not trying to be obnoxious or give false hope but maybe look into eg Neville Goddard or "Reality Transurfing". Why not.
For me ideally I reconcile whatever is wrong and let go of focus on genital integrity stuff.
Yeah. If there was some sort of decision or tradeoff made before birth, I suspect overall I made the right decision. But there definitely was a trade, or a merging of different motivational factors. eg I didn't have sex till I was like 30, despite several women I was interested in pursuing me and even asking me out for most of my life, I rejected them as though it was part of a script or I was programmed to do it. This caused immense despair and I continued to do it without knowing why. Later I developed whole body nerve pain, damage to the cervical spine, etc. So the whole body is kind of numb most of the time, and I live outside the body in many ways. While fapping is fine I found that the thursting motion causes, while not numbness outright, decreased sensation and difficulty orgasming. It still feels good and I can go all night, but yeah. I suspect this is due to a scoliosis and pinching the nerves in the lower spine or pelvis, possibly a fracture to the tailbone which was also part of my lifescript (kid pulled out a chair before I sat down, xrays a decade or so later showed the tailbone had been broken and the spine was full of tiny fractures due to the scoliosis and disc compression). I mean even as I write this, if I were to put myself directly in the body instead of seeing it as a sort of puppet, it would agony. Neck fucked up, whole body just aches, I suppose i should appreciate it continuing to do as I demand. Possibly I was just brainwashed as a child, hypnotized repeatedly. Hence not remembering most of my life.
Anyway, I don't know what to tell you. Earth is fucked up and I really don't like the whole "gist" of the thing, seeing how it's obviously designed to work. Sucks that you had something like that happen. Not trying to be obnoxious or give false hope but maybe look into eg Neville Goddard or "Reality Transurfing". Why not.
For me ideally I reconcile whatever is wrong and let go of focus on genital integrity stuff.