Add a month to the date. See if 1 good thing happens.
Then add another month.
Then another.
No one knows what you are going through but everyone knows suicide is not the answer.
And this he'll hole site is no place to be if you are down or not stable.
Get off screens, eat right, exercise, if you have no good friends or family, find a church. You will notice that church goers do not suffer from mental health issues or depression like secular, atheist type usually do.
You can fix most of your internal problems and some depressive people are only that way because of a simple endocrine imbalance.
Good fortune to you in changing your mind