Anonymous
7/10/2025, 3:00:13 PM
No.24537112
Can I get some opinions on the story summary portion of my agent query letter please?
THE GOD-MOUNTAIN is an adult fantasy novel with series potential that is complete at 114,900 words.
To the coddled Prince Maceus, his future kingdom doesn’t mean much beyond its brothels and inns. When his god – a great mountain called Niatas – starts quaking and fracturing, he continues to thoughtlessly indulge in pleasure while the people despair, knowing that with the god-mountain’s death their rivers will run dry and their lands will turn barren. After a drinking spree in which he vandalises a peasant’s property, his crushing guilt makes him reflect; at this trying time, the people need to see in him their next king, not a boy. When the king’s foreign councillor Adohin suggests his own living gods might offer a solution to the mysterious tremors of Niatas, Maceus sees an opportunity for growth by separating himself from luxuries and decides to join him on a journey back to his homeland.
Upon reaching Adohin’s gods, they are given a crystal said to destroy the source of the quakes residing in the depths of Mount Niatas. How they know this, or what that ‘source’ is, they do not share – instead insisting to withhold from using the crystal before fully comprehending what’s being destroyed. Puzzled, yet determined by a tangible hope of saving his god and kingdom, Maceus sets out for the holy Mount Niatas.
Yet his greatest enemy is one he cannot slay with sharp ends or magic crystals: A weak and fickle will. His initial determination cowers when the trek bares its teeth as they face an unstoppable assassin, battle mechanical monstrosities, and ultimately find out the shocking truth of their world. Aided by Adohin’s sage guidance, Maceus will have to decide if he has the courage to continue, or if he will return to a life of indifference.
>Alternative start, more dramatic but starts with world-building instead of immediately introducing the protagonist. Let me know which one you prefer.
A god-mountain is dying. Quaking. Fracturing. As the people despair, knowing that with the death of Mount Niatas their rivers will run dry and their lands will turn barren, the coddled Prince Maceus is indifferent as he continues to indulge in pleasure – to him, his future kingdom never meant much beyond its brothels and inns.
THE GOD-MOUNTAIN is an adult fantasy novel with series potential that is complete at 114,900 words.
To the coddled Prince Maceus, his future kingdom doesn’t mean much beyond its brothels and inns. When his god – a great mountain called Niatas – starts quaking and fracturing, he continues to thoughtlessly indulge in pleasure while the people despair, knowing that with the god-mountain’s death their rivers will run dry and their lands will turn barren. After a drinking spree in which he vandalises a peasant’s property, his crushing guilt makes him reflect; at this trying time, the people need to see in him their next king, not a boy. When the king’s foreign councillor Adohin suggests his own living gods might offer a solution to the mysterious tremors of Niatas, Maceus sees an opportunity for growth by separating himself from luxuries and decides to join him on a journey back to his homeland.
Upon reaching Adohin’s gods, they are given a crystal said to destroy the source of the quakes residing in the depths of Mount Niatas. How they know this, or what that ‘source’ is, they do not share – instead insisting to withhold from using the crystal before fully comprehending what’s being destroyed. Puzzled, yet determined by a tangible hope of saving his god and kingdom, Maceus sets out for the holy Mount Niatas.
Yet his greatest enemy is one he cannot slay with sharp ends or magic crystals: A weak and fickle will. His initial determination cowers when the trek bares its teeth as they face an unstoppable assassin, battle mechanical monstrosities, and ultimately find out the shocking truth of their world. Aided by Adohin’s sage guidance, Maceus will have to decide if he has the courage to continue, or if he will return to a life of indifference.
>Alternative start, more dramatic but starts with world-building instead of immediately introducing the protagonist. Let me know which one you prefer.
A god-mountain is dying. Quaking. Fracturing. As the people despair, knowing that with the death of Mount Niatas their rivers will run dry and their lands will turn barren, the coddled Prince Maceus is indifferent as he continues to indulge in pleasure – to him, his future kingdom never meant much beyond its brothels and inns.