Anonymous
10/11/2025, 1:20:36 AM
No.24790197
>>24790137
It reads like it's written by AI. And despite the show don't tell meme, you need it. We'll just use the Victoria story again
>>24782946
In the second paragraph where we learn she's pretty, we also learn she's a bitch, vain, and arrogant without stating it. Compare it to yours
>Because *they* were dragons. And Vincent now realized how clever they really were.
Give us a scene how the dragons are clever. Not to mention we know nothing about Vincent except he was tricked by dragons somehow.
>He stood over the smouldering ruin of what once used to be a monastery. White stone now blackened, the air still trembling with the ghost of dragonfire. He clutched the remains of the scroll they'd risked everything to find.
None of this matters yet. The Draconimicon? I'm still trying to figure out how the dragons tricked Vincent. We only know Vincent, who are the others? Why should I care?
You should probably start where the dragon is talking to Vincent.
"Squid, did the book amuse you?" The crimson dragon asked.
Vincent remained silent
"Well did you?" It snorted out a small flick.of flame.
Vincent shielded his face from the heat. A small wisp, yet, its heat heavier than the bite of venomwasps.
"Have you read how you can kill us? The Crimson dragon laughed. "Squid, nothing besides time can kill a dragon."
It reads like it's written by AI. And despite the show don't tell meme, you need it. We'll just use the Victoria story again
>>24782946
In the second paragraph where we learn she's pretty, we also learn she's a bitch, vain, and arrogant without stating it. Compare it to yours
>Because *they* were dragons. And Vincent now realized how clever they really were.
Give us a scene how the dragons are clever. Not to mention we know nothing about Vincent except he was tricked by dragons somehow.
>He stood over the smouldering ruin of what once used to be a monastery. White stone now blackened, the air still trembling with the ghost of dragonfire. He clutched the remains of the scroll they'd risked everything to find.
None of this matters yet. The Draconimicon? I'm still trying to figure out how the dragons tricked Vincent. We only know Vincent, who are the others? Why should I care?
You should probably start where the dragon is talking to Vincent.
"Squid, did the book amuse you?" The crimson dragon asked.
Vincent remained silent
"Well did you?" It snorted out a small flick.of flame.
Vincent shielded his face from the heat. A small wisp, yet, its heat heavier than the bite of venomwasps.
"Have you read how you can kill us? The Crimson dragon laughed. "Squid, nothing besides time can kill a dragon."