Anonymous
6/21/2025, 6:58:35 PM
No.81565500
Andrea,
Despite my best efforts, I still cannot forget you. I thought all those memories of us together would have faded by now, or at least their serrated edge might have worn down some. Instead, over time, that edge has only been honed, and when I close my eyes I see you sharper than ever.
I know it's been a long time since we last spoke, and I know my messaging you might dredge up old feelings, and I know it might be painful for you to think back on them--at least, it is for me. I've had quite a long time to reflect on what I'm saying right now. I should be clear from the outset: I have no expectation that you respond to this letter. I write to you, finally, with lucidity and purpose.
I should first apologize for how things ended between us and how I treated you as we neared the end of our relationship. I pushed you away, undeterred by all the work you did in loving me. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you, too. I wish I could have been more present and more open throughout all the time we shared.
I do also want to thank you for caring for me so selflessly and for supporting me throughout our relationship, especially when I didn't support myself. You were there for me like a stake to a vine, and I grew around you because of you. You made me feel heard and understood when I had trouble listening to and understanding myself. Whether it was cooking together or judging restaurants, talking through bad movies together or being dazzled by Fullmetal Alchemist, or hearing about your day and telling you about mine, you should know that you did make me feel happy then. Nothing else did--not the therapy sessions, not the drugs, not the books, not the other drugs, not the moments that should have been sad or frustrating or happy or rewarding--no part of it made me feel much of anything. The fact of our existing together, in each other's company, was what kept the embers of my life flickering. That was more than I could have asked from anyone.
1 of 2
Despite my best efforts, I still cannot forget you. I thought all those memories of us together would have faded by now, or at least their serrated edge might have worn down some. Instead, over time, that edge has only been honed, and when I close my eyes I see you sharper than ever.
I know it's been a long time since we last spoke, and I know my messaging you might dredge up old feelings, and I know it might be painful for you to think back on them--at least, it is for me. I've had quite a long time to reflect on what I'm saying right now. I should be clear from the outset: I have no expectation that you respond to this letter. I write to you, finally, with lucidity and purpose.
I should first apologize for how things ended between us and how I treated you as we neared the end of our relationship. I pushed you away, undeterred by all the work you did in loving me. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you, too. I wish I could have been more present and more open throughout all the time we shared.
I do also want to thank you for caring for me so selflessly and for supporting me throughout our relationship, especially when I didn't support myself. You were there for me like a stake to a vine, and I grew around you because of you. You made me feel heard and understood when I had trouble listening to and understanding myself. Whether it was cooking together or judging restaurants, talking through bad movies together or being dazzled by Fullmetal Alchemist, or hearing about your day and telling you about mine, you should know that you did make me feel happy then. Nothing else did--not the therapy sessions, not the drugs, not the books, not the other drugs, not the moments that should have been sad or frustrating or happy or rewarding--no part of it made me feel much of anything. The fact of our existing together, in each other's company, was what kept the embers of my life flickering. That was more than I could have asked from anyone.
1 of 2