I genuinely have no idea how people manage. I have never disassociated so hard in my life as when I was on that boat working. I literally couldn't tell where I was when I would woke up towards the end of it.

I feel like my blood is filled with fire, and my arms are covered in ants. It's all so fucking bizarre. I spent 45 days working and I mechanically learned nothing. I can't retain technical information at all. Covid fucked my life up so bad. If my landlord wasn't forced to sell his rentals, I could still be in that efficiency apartment.

I'm turning 30 with nothing. Too much pain.