>>82895609
>just being with a big groups feels uneasy and its mostly due lack of experience
not they do this intentionally if they want you there you'll get what feels like red carpet treatment when you're new to the group. i do relate to the analyzing how quiet i am vs how much and what i should say. the problem is i fixate on being objectively as best as i can according to social rules which comes across forced and unnatural. the truth is in social interaction things eb and flow and you make mistakes and doing everything objectively is not as fun to normies. its like playing the best character in a game vs what you enjoy playing. overall tho the game itself still sucks even if you play it right. eventually they expect you to put up with bullshit because someone is liked more than you asked you to do something unfair or there's some politics going on among the group socially. all kinds of retarded shit. its like playing ranked league of legends just an overall awful time vs being a retard screaming slurs in tf2. one is a game a lot of toxic retards play and the other is a group of outcast neglected by the world riding their game into the sunset knowing the devs dont care about it anymore.
in short, be miserable but included or be free but alone. there is no inbetween