>>82907703
I'm sorry that life sucks. You deserve better than this, and I hope you find out a way to reach a life that doesn't suck.

>scared to go outside alone
When I was scared of the dark at the same time that I hated my life, I would say into the darkness "Go ahead and kill me, I don't care" every time I stepped into the darkness. Nothing ever killed me.

If life is shit then that is freeing too. You CAN go out to the places you'd be going if life wasn't shit, because the best case scenario is you have a good time, and the worst case scenario is the shittiness comes to an end. There's no way for you to lose if you force yourself to get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed, go outside, and do the things you wish you were doing in another life. Take action and you can only win.