>>Get a wife
That will cheat on you during your tour of duty and eventually write you a Dear John letter while you are in another country.

>>Get in shape
You can get in shape at any time. You don't need to be forced into it. Most in the military end up despising PT and many come out of Basic injured.

>>Get benefits
Have you not seen the VA fiascos?

>>Make friends
Make acquaintances with many of the same issues you have.

Nice try, bitch. Get out of your basement with your racebait spam. Your mom needs to smack you harder.