Ponce's secret, of course, was that he was gay. Catastrophically gay. His phone wallpaper was a topless matador he'd seen once in La Linea. He fantasized about running away to Madrid and living as "Ponce de Gibraltar, the mysterious exiled nobleman with trembling wrists and impeccable taste in footwear."

But his father had other plans. "We're starting a right-wing podcast," His dad announced one day. "Called Rock Hard Britain. You'll co-host. You'll learn what it means to be a man."