>be 35
>wake up at 4 am
>hastily run to toilet
>gotta shit bad
>earth shattering fart into toilet bowl that echoes so loud
>"damn, wtf, hope no one heard that"
>hear my wife say good morning through the door
>immediately release a second heinous earth shattering fart into toilet bowl that echoes even louder
>she just walks away
>now I sit here and type this out
>never did end up shitting btw
>getting old is weird