I just found out that I wasn't the first to cum inside of my gf like I thought because she lied. It's making me insecure and rethink how I feel towards her. Another man owned my gf more than I ever have. I've nutted in her, but she's always been on birth control so my seed never entered her egg. His has. It makes me sick thinking about. I'm thinking about pulling back some of my feelings for her. Taking a step back to not be as close. I've been with her for 3 years now. I love her so much. I've always been insecure about all of my gfs past sex life before me. But I've never been as close to a girl like I am with my current gf. I see her like an extension of my self. So knowing this about her makes me feel disgusted because I don't fucking know this man but he's apart of my woman's body forever now. His DNA stored in her egg. Should I break up with her? What do y'all think about this? Am I taking this too hard?

I am suicidal, and have been for a long time. And a big reason for that and the reason I'm here, is because I feel like a failed man in biological terms. From the lack of nutrition growing up, lack of sleep from playing video games, etc, I basically failed puberty and my growth into a man. My penis is barely 5 inches and skinny, I'm only 5'9 and frail, voice not that deep, etc. I'm just small and physically incomplete at 23. I wish I had a big normal man cock to please women with. I wish I had a big grown body. Big grown natural voice. High testosterone. But I just don't, and that's the reality that won't ever change. I'm deeply insecure over it. Makes me want to just kill myself and restart life. I try to keep my mind on bigger goals, like being a pro MMA fighter, because it's the only thing I'm good at. But even then, I started late and see that dream fading away. I have nothing else to live for. If I was big man with a big dick, then I could at least live for a hedonistic sex life and be a dumb ape like everyone else. I have no other dreams in life. I don't care about anything, there's barely anything holding me to this life anymore, besides my primal instinct to survive. Which feels more like a stoppage to do the rational thing and kill myself. My girlfriend is on the verge of leaving me because of my inability to keep a job. I have no friends. No drive. Hate myself inside and out. Hate being alive just to work and pay to survive. Hate people around me. No care for this world. Nothing. I've been like this since I was like 16, and it's tiring. I feel like I had so much potential. A bright sharp mind. But I just don't fucking care. I don't have a point anymore. What would y'all do in my situation?