>>40115950
Im too scared all the time, despite this innate desire to do as you say and be "real", that I am not "real" thus I fall back on this shithole or worse
a fear that I am not actually a woman and i am a man and this si all...some madness
it shouldn't exist, nobody should exist like this.
It is not nomal to wosh you were trans or to wish you wished to eb a girl or to wish you were a real trans girl
all that iusnt cis normal
I am making myself miserable by repeating transphobic mantras and being a sefl hating idiot instead of enjoying the babytrans shit other did in their time and just ENJOY life
but then the bug comes back I put on make up as badly as i can and the bug comes bakc and it doesnt simply say "ywnbaw" it goes 2 and 3 steps further and says "detrans you are not true trans you are a male manly man with reverse dysphoria and shopuld detrans and try to be a man like you always were" and the ofc i woudl fight that i do, but it is exhausting and pathetic and I just am TIRED
Yes i seem to have gon full shcizo
>>40115954
Im gonna try stuff for my date maybe its ok. Maybe it is ok even if I am not trutrans ^^
Even if it hurts to not be even if it hurts to be even if its reverse dysphoria and I cant tell if it is because I cant tell. I should know but instead i relly on other like always in my childish adult life.