HOLY FUCKING SHIT BRO! IS THAT STORY ABOUT ANONYMOUS SOURCES?? PLEASE GIVE ME MORE OF THAT GOOD SHIT. SERIOUSLY I CANNOT GET ENOUGH OF THESE LITERAL RUMORS PRESENTED ON A SCREEN. I SO FUCKING LOVE ANONYMOUS SOURCES BRO. ITS THE END-ALL-BE-ALL OF NEWS. I SPEND MY DAYS AND NIGHTS SCOURING THE SHITTIEST WEBSITES LOOKING FOR NEWS WITH ANONYMOUS SOURCES.

AS SOON AS I SEE A STORY LIKE THIS BRO I SWEAR I CAN'T HELP BUT CLUTCH MY ERECT, THROBBING PENIS AND FEVERISHLY PULL IT UNTIL I UNLOAD ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD. GIVE ME THE JUCIEST, SHITTIEST TAKE FROM AN ANONYMOUS SOURCE AND I'LL CLICK ON EVERY LINK YOU PUT IN FRONT OF ME. I AM A LOW-IQ, LOW IMPULSE CONTROL RETARD AND I CAN'T DISTINGUISH CLICKBAIT GARBAGE FROM REAL NEWS DESPITE THE FACT I GREW UP WITH INTERNET 24/7! I AM SO FUCKING STUPID BRO BUT I DON'T CARE! I JUST NEED MORE OF THOSE ANONYMOUS SOURCES BRO! FUCK!