>>713828351
I'm hopeful that things will change for the better. The way I am now doesn't define me, but it does shape my current views on myself and God. You can probably tell from the way I'm speaking about the relationship that it's something I want, but just don't have right now. It'll take improvement on me before I feel like I'm at a place where I can better appreciate it. I should probably read the Bible again at some point. I think if Saul can get redeemed after literally killing people then I probably can after jerking off to furry porn.
>>713828871
For a time earlier this year I had a panic attack for the first time when I really realized my mortality. I looked into all sorts of shit to try and put myself at ease. Christianity, other religions, near death experiences. All I got was that everyone knew someone nice was next. It kind of helped.
>>713828918
I know I'm sinful now, I do believe in Jesus and try my best to respect his teachings, and when I fail I feel shame and ask for forgiveness. The issue is that I can't believe that after all I've done I am worthy of that forgiveness and doubt I'm even living right by it. There's obvious sins I commit that I try to avoid, temptation and all that, but it's a greater feeling of shame just for being so human.