Try finding and watching a live leak video in a loop of a woman shooting herself to death or being shot by someone in the head to death, and imagine the woman in the video is like your mom, sister, or any female in your life that you love (that isn't fictional) and ask yourself this "Is this something that really wants to see irl", if the answer yes then consider contacting a therapist or some shit, if no, consider just having a blowjob fetish instead.

.t Anon that saw one of his high school friend once watching a video of a woman being shot to death while laughing at it in class, and being traumatized by that memory ever since