Explore without expectation.
Are you curious, anon?

When I am off my meds, and on a stimulant like caffeine, I feel like I can engage with things and find joy in them. I laugh, I joke around, I am inquisitive, curious, alert, etc.
However, I also become extremely anxious, I develop nerveous ticks and have extremely vivid nightmares.
I can only really go about a day without my meds before things get really bad.

When I am on my meds, I just like to sleep. Most things are rather dull. I can still find joy in some activities, but I mostly feel like I'm on autopilot, consuming slop and I struggle to develop a coherent idea.

It's just a feeling, however. It's not like my IQ increases or decreases with or without meds. So it's fine.
Such if the fate of those unable to function in society. You must choose between your feelings and your functionality.

Bumping for femanon to give me a chance.