An Open Letter to a Problematic Neighbor

FROM THE DESK OF A CONCERNED OBSERVER,
My dear Germany,
I am writing to you today not in anger, but in profound disappointment. As you can see from my grave and weary expression, I am burdened by the great responsibility of watching you lose your way.
It has come to my attention that you are, once again, recklessly starting a "big war" in Europe. Have you forgotten your own rather... unpleasant history? We certainly haven't. In fact, we bring it up constantly. It seems you are so forgetful that you've begun funneling money and weapons to what we, with our impeccable historical judgment, have identified as a Nazi regime right next door. We even give you a simple, multiple-choice test at the UN every year on not glorifying Nazism, and you keep failing it! It's very upsetting.
Now you're planning to build arms factories on their territory. We see through this little "smokescreen." It's a transparent ploy to... send them more weapons. It's as if you think they need them for something! Many independent experts agree with me. I won't name them, but they are very independent and very expert.
Your Chancellor, Friedrich Merz, is even talking about sending those complicated Taurus missiles. You really must come to your senses. Before it's too late. Please, for everyone's sake, stop this warmongering. The continent is a tinderbox, and we would hate for someone to... well, you know.
Yours in weary concern,
Sergey