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6/23/2025, 7:46:48 AM
>>40583985
RE: Frivolous Defense in the Matter of Tamamo-no-Mae v. The Pet
TO: Michael and Sons, Celestial Advocacy
Sirs,
We are in receipt of your recent missive, which we initially mistook for a parody. Its arguments are an exercise in such breathtaking incompetence that we must respond for the record.
On "Divine Seals": Your God's opinion is irrelevant in this jurisdiction. Ultimately, he hasn't made any pronouncements or rulings since that Temple of his was destroyed. The marriage was sealed not by some watery blessing, but by vows, exchanged life force, and the simple fact our client, Lady Tamamo-no-Mae, willed it so. In this court, possession is the only law that matters, and she possesses him entirely.
On Kitsune Gender: Your claim that "all kitsune are male" is factually wrong and offensively bigoted. We are pioneers of infernal equality. Unlike your patriarchal "Michael and Sons," our firm enforces binding unions of all forms. We have noted this slander for future billing.
On Ignorance: The "he never knew her" defense is risible. A parasite need not comprehend its host to feed. He willingly basked in our client's power; now he owes her every joule of energy she can manifest from his gracious soul. The debt is due.
On "Public Service": To call the Lady Tamamo-no-Mae a "nuisance animal" is an insult of cosmic proportions and a direct threat to our client's wellbeaning. This is not "hunting"; it is a craven attempt to breach contract with violence. Should he pursue this, we will have no other option but to pursue punitive damages.
Your hollow threats of "repentance" are amusing. The clock ticks for your client, not for us. Advise him that there are no grounds for divorce with suitable dowry to the Lady. After all, what Lady will not use a morganatic marriage and prenuptial agreement?
The choice is yours.
Yours in Law and Damnation,
SATAN, LILITH & ASMODEUS, LLP
Where Every Soul is a Class Action Waiting to Happen.
RE: Frivolous Defense in the Matter of Tamamo-no-Mae v. The Pet
TO: Michael and Sons, Celestial Advocacy
Sirs,
We are in receipt of your recent missive, which we initially mistook for a parody. Its arguments are an exercise in such breathtaking incompetence that we must respond for the record.
On "Divine Seals": Your God's opinion is irrelevant in this jurisdiction. Ultimately, he hasn't made any pronouncements or rulings since that Temple of his was destroyed. The marriage was sealed not by some watery blessing, but by vows, exchanged life force, and the simple fact our client, Lady Tamamo-no-Mae, willed it so. In this court, possession is the only law that matters, and she possesses him entirely.
On Kitsune Gender: Your claim that "all kitsune are male" is factually wrong and offensively bigoted. We are pioneers of infernal equality. Unlike your patriarchal "Michael and Sons," our firm enforces binding unions of all forms. We have noted this slander for future billing.
On Ignorance: The "he never knew her" defense is risible. A parasite need not comprehend its host to feed. He willingly basked in our client's power; now he owes her every joule of energy she can manifest from his gracious soul. The debt is due.
On "Public Service": To call the Lady Tamamo-no-Mae a "nuisance animal" is an insult of cosmic proportions and a direct threat to our client's wellbeaning. This is not "hunting"; it is a craven attempt to breach contract with violence. Should he pursue this, we will have no other option but to pursue punitive damages.
Your hollow threats of "repentance" are amusing. The clock ticks for your client, not for us. Advise him that there are no grounds for divorce with suitable dowry to the Lady. After all, what Lady will not use a morganatic marriage and prenuptial agreement?
The choice is yours.
Yours in Law and Damnation,
SATAN, LILITH & ASMODEUS, LLP
Where Every Soul is a Class Action Waiting to Happen.
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