So I've been trying to plan a /n/-themed trip to visit family in Yurop and I had a few side destinations in mind. Passo dello Stelvio perhaps or the Alpe d'Huez or Col du Galibier or d'Izoard. Nothing obscure or weird just standard /n/ itinerary... or so a naive person like me would think?

So let's see. Train from Major City A to Major City B? That will be 17 hours and 4 transfers and oh btw there's no HSR because you're not travelling between Paris and London. And then when you get there there's basically no public transport! You need to learn Al Bhed so you can talk to the local Zastava rental agency and the steering wheel is attached wrong and you need to learn how to use a carburetor and pump gas and there's four pedals (gas, brake, clutch, and prop pitch) and a mixture control lever next to the turn signal, what the FUCK.

Why did /n/ lie to me? Europe is cager hell. I was led to believe the entire continent was spammed with a hyper-efficient grid of fareless, open-gangway maglev subway trains that could whisk me from a tiny fishing village in Denmark to a mountain pass on the Italo-Swiss border in fifteen minutes. I'm a 'merilard I don't have all summer, I get 5 days of vacation and 2 of them are lost flying back and forth, my summer is ruined now.