So, this is a pretty unique life we live right? Idk… someone in the 13th century couldn’t even conceive this. I think living is futile, but so is not living. I’m just tired of having to exist maybe. The only thing that keeps me here is the fleeting good things in life. The chemicals in my brain feel good when I take drugs. Sometimes I feel good when I hang out with friends. I can’t help but feel like something is missing. There is nothing missing though. This is it. I’m okay with doing the rest of this dragged out life. I think. I’ve never chased, i’ve never aspired. I’ve always just been okay with floating around. Cattle with no drive. In a different world, would I be functional? I’m a modern eunuch, and i’m actually okay with it. I’m okay with everything though. I just wonder if this is who I really am. I’m just barely human. The person that everyone sees isn’t real. Neither is the idea of me in my head. And i’m never going to tell this to anyone. I’ll just keep living this idealized life inside my head and ignore my friends. That’s probably the right choice.