Read Don Quixote. It's long but easy, and instantly makes up for all of your mistakes of not reading the past. Just read it and everything will be OK!

To become book smart very fast you can read Bertrand Russell, Voltaire, and Samuel Johnson (his writings plus Boswell's Life of Johnson.)

Don't bother with anything written after the year 1918!! That is the year they killed Lady Wisdom and hooked her up to artificial life support. (Most of Russell's books came after 1918, but stick with the books from before 1918.)