“Hardly” (a parody of “Gnarly”) – COVID Vaccine Remix
(Parody – satirical commentary, not medical advice)

[Intro – whispered]
Yeah...
Pfizer in my bloodstream...
Moderna made me queen…
Still can’t breathe...

[Verse 1]
Took the shot, felt the fire,
Was supposed to make me flyer,
Now I’m pacing in the ER,
Nurse say, “Girl, your heart’s on fire.”

Double dose, no delay,
Booster came like D.O.A,
Doc said, "It’s just anxiety,"
But my chest said, “Not today.”

[Pre-Chorus]
I was promised liberation,
Got inflammation,
Tried to party in the street,
But I blacked out at the station.
Say it’s rare, say it’s small,
But I’m curled up in a stall,
If this is health and safety...
I don’t feel safe at all.

[Chorus]
Hardly—
Feelin’ like I used to be,
Cardio got history.
Tachycardic energy,
They say it's just conspiracy?
Hardly—
Woke up with my Apple Watch
Screamin’ “Time to call the doc!”
Blood so thin, it’s spillin’ tea,
Heartbeat singin’ off-key—hardly.

[Verse 2]
Jabbed up, masked tight,
Still caught it by Friday night.
“Breakthrough case,” they told me twice,
So what’s the price of all this hype?

Followed rules, every line,
Still I’m breathin’ out decline.
I ain’t anti, I’m just mad,
Took the cure—now I feel bad.

[Bridge – spoken]
They said “trust the science,”
So I did... now I got a cardiologist on speed dial.

[Final Chorus – big drop]
Hardly—
Thought I’d glow with RNA,
Now my heart just skips all day.
Tried to dance the fear away,
But now I moonwalk in dismay.
Hardly—
Need a beat that doesn’t race,
Need a rest without the haze.
Gave my arm, they took my peace,
Now I’m singin’ through the beeps... hardly.

[Outro]
Yeah...
It was supposed to be gnarly...
But it’s feelin’ real... hardly.