Oh of course there’s no Epstein list. What a silly rumor. Just forget that for years everyone from journalists to politicians to literal court documents pointed to its existence. Everyone must have been confused. Probably mistook a flight log full of billionaires and politicians visiting a private island for a seating chart at a charity brunch. Honest mistake.

It’s amazing really. The media can locate a teenager’s anonymous Reddit post from 2013 in under an hour but somehow the identities of grown adults who associated with a convicted trafficker vanish into the ether. Total mystery. Not a trace. It's not that the list doesn't exist. It's that you're not allowed to see it. Because apparently public interest magically stops when it threatens powerful people. If this were a scandal involving anyone poor or irrelevant the full list would’ve been tattooed on a news anchor's face by now.

But no we’re told it’s too complicated. Too sensitive. Ongoing investigations. Privacy concerns. Legal red tape. All the usual smoke signals they throw up when they’re protecting the names that actually matter. Victims came forward. Names were named. Flights were logged. Testimonies were given. But still the public gets nothing but silence and smirks. And if you ask questions you're a conspiracy theorist. Because clearly it's the asking that’s the problem not the giant black hole where justice should be.

So yeah no list. Just a bunch of very rich very powerful people who all happened to know the same guy and flew on the same plane and visited the same island and totally just played backgammon or discussed philanthropy. Nothing to see. Move along.