UFC PRESENTS: THE ULTIMATE GRUDGE MATCH
RAMPAGE JACKSON vs. THE MRI MACHINE

>[Dramatic orchestral music mixed with slow-motion shots of Rampage snarling and lifting tires]
>NARRATOR (in a gravelly, overhyped tone):
>In a world… where revenge is magnetic…
>One man must battle the machine that took everything from him.

>[Flashback in grainy VHS filter: A young Rampage watches in horror as a large, humming MRI machine devours a man in a thick chain necklace]

NARRATOR:
>It was supposed to be a routine scan…
>But the machine had other plans.

RAMPAGE JACKSON (voiceover, full of gravel and fury):
>“It didn’t just take my pops… it took his chain. That chain was a Jackson family heirloom. Steel forged in pain… and dipped in respect.”

NARRATOR:
>They said he couldn’t fight a machine.
>They said you can’t suplex a 7-ton electromagnet.
>They said revenge isn’t FDA-approved.
>ARE
>THEY
>WRONG

>[Cut to Rampage suplexing a vending machine in a gym]

JOE ROGAN (shouting over chaos):
>I’ve never seen anything like this!

NARRATOR:
>This summer, metal will bend…
>Circuits will fry…
>And vengeance… will be diagnostic.

RAMPAGE JACKSON vs. THE MRI MACHINE
LIVE from the Mayo Clinic Parking Lot
Sponsored by: Shady Ray’s, Flex Seal, and Big Lou’s Used Medical Equipment

RAMPAGE (screaming to the heavens):
>You wanted my dad’s chain?!
>NOW YOU GET THE PAIN!

SATURDAY NIGHT. BE THERE.