Good 'morrow my homesexually inclined acquaintances,

Jonathan is my birthname, and I have a severe dislike toward each of you. It has become apparent to me that you are all grotesque, rather dimwitted, and unlively fellows, who dedicate a somewhat unhealthy amount of time looking at what one would refer to as 'silly pictures'. In this flat world that we live in, it would seem that the negatives consist entirely of you. In all honesty, hath any of you had intimate relations with a ladies front bottom? One understands that making humerous remarks towards at misfortune may be jolly good, especially if one is unhappy with thine self, but it has become ever more apparent that you here at /b/ are able to find new extremeties in that field. One would even go as far as saying that thine behaviour is more frowned upon than stroking thy rod frantically to photographs in the book of faces.

Don't be a coward, attempt if you dare, to smite me down with a well aimed insult; But I must profess that I would consider myself to be the definition of brilliance. I was top jouster in my regiment for heavens sake! Do any of you partake in a sport? Besides fondling yourselves to pictures of those of the asian descent and/or variety? Forsooth, I also achieve the highest standard in my schooling and have a rather attractive lady-friend (One who but moments ago performed fellatio on me! It was rather spiffing might I add.) All of you are rather attracted to men and should consider ending thy life. I thank thee for taking the time to listen to my tale.

Photograph rather relevant: It is my lady and myself.