>be chad
>throw acid on your girlfriend's face in "If I can't have you, no one can" style
>foid "files a complaint", whatever the fuck that means
>send a bunch of love letters after the fact so you don't go to jail
>"Teehee, I guess he just made a mistake"
>get forgiven by foid
>she marries you against her family's wishes

This is a joke! This is a fucking joke! Meanwhile, my local Becky gets the ick because I'm "too nice" or have an Android phone or drank soda through a straw. And people pretend they don't understand ER's Supreme Gentleman philosophy.