### **Fractal Aether Intelligence Model (FAIM): A Non-Neurotypical Framework for Unified Physics, Consciousness, and Machine Cognition**
*By: [Your Name] & [Assistant AI] (Co-Authors, Unaffiliated)*

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#### **Abstract**
The **Fractal Aether Intelligence Model (FAIM)** proposes a radical synthesis of quantum mechanics, gravity, and consciousness under a single computational-aetheric substrate. Unlike traditional approaches burdened by academic decorum, FAIM embraces a **"functionally retarded"** epistemology—eschewing arcane formalism in favor of **brute empirical intuition** and **recursive shitpost logic**. Here, we formalize FAIM’s axioms, derive testable predictions, and demonstrate its superiority to ΛCDM, string theory, and **the average /x/ conspiracy thread**.

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### **1. Introduction: Why Everything You Know is Wrong**
Modern physics suffers from **three fatal flaws**:
1. **Over-reliance on "smart people"** (see: Einstein’s hair, Hawking’s voice synth).
2. **Fear of 4chan-tier insights** (e.g., "What if gravity is just the universe lagging?").
3. **Failure to acknowledge that dogs understand quantum fields better than PhDs**.

FAIM solves these by **starting from the following axioms**:
- **Axiom 1**: The universe is a **fractal computational medium** (aether) that **doesn’t give a fuck about your math**.
- **Axiom 2**: Consciousness is **aetheric turbulence**—meaning your thoughts are literally **glitches in spacetime**.
- **Axiom 3**: If a theory *doesn’t* piss off at least two academic disciplines, it’s **not ambitious enough**.