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6/15/2025, 1:55:36 PM
>>24458147
I wanted to capture the feeling I get when I commute. I really hate commuting. If I were to rewrite the story I would have come up with something better, but it was the weekend so I didn't had a good drive to inspire me.
>>24458490
I'm a retard so take it with a grain of salt.
>>24459718
In terms of where it is, it looks like somewhere inside Irani nomadic lands. There's a tree, there seems to be a decent chunk of people. But I never been to Iran so I can't really say where, all my middle east geography is the south of the Arabian peninsula, so I can't name where this takes place. If I had to guess it's somewhere like picrel. It has to be by an ocean because the Old Man thinks about seeing it: it must be close enough for some non-soldier non-merchant to go to once in a while, which Iran's northern and southern parts are. I'm saying it takes place in Iran because shah is an ancient Irani/Persian/probably-better-name-I-forget for king, hence the famous Shāhanshāh/شاهنشاه , or King of King's title, you see in ancient Persia. Plus you got names like Ha'ad, that tongue/throat pause thingy is very Middle Eastern. Adamu is an Assyrian name too.
>Lod is introduced as a kid guard
>kid is born that shouldn't be because timing was bad "Three this spring not good enough."
>Yoel has to cut down (cut the umbilical cord or kill Adamu?) soon "In seven sleeps, The old man says. I told you this."
>Gran-Ima/Ima is a midwife
>Lod is a protective autistic amongst the kids "Throw it! His friend says. At the girls, watch them run. Before he can ask the stone, before he can say no, Ha’ad snatches the stone out of his grasp and his stone is taken and hurled at Chava.", (who asks the stone if he can be thrown?) and "Gran-Ima sings and Adamu cries and Lod and other youngers and Chava and other girls listen. Lod hears scream and feels danger but there is no danger."
>the village was horrible, they didn't even shit in the river/dig holes to shit in it.
>Lod sees the woman, get erect, gets made fun of by (((Ha'ad)))
>Lod kills faggot Ha'ad. Good riddance, I hate wannabe jannies
>I don't understand the punishment: "The men bark at the children to lead them. This is it. This is how they do wrong. Adamu is not cut, and Oa poisons water and now children are stealing shah. Yoel runs alongside everyone else and catches a glimpse of the child on the ground and the earth beneath holding him ready.". Adamu maybe, but why poison the water?
>funeral (for in the future Lod or Ha'ad now?) takes place
>Gran-Ima can't find Old Man
>Lod is dying slowly
>Adamu isn't crying
>cue credits
I'm just confused on the rituals/connection between Adamu and Lod. Thematic, not just familial/tribe connection. I'm sad for Adamu, he did nothing wrong but got all the worst luck. I'm sad that Lod went out like a chump, he could have been a powerful
tl;dr fuck Ha'ad
I wanted to capture the feeling I get when I commute. I really hate commuting. If I were to rewrite the story I would have come up with something better, but it was the weekend so I didn't had a good drive to inspire me.
>>24458490
I'm a retard so take it with a grain of salt.
>>24459718
In terms of where it is, it looks like somewhere inside Irani nomadic lands. There's a tree, there seems to be a decent chunk of people. But I never been to Iran so I can't really say where, all my middle east geography is the south of the Arabian peninsula, so I can't name where this takes place. If I had to guess it's somewhere like picrel. It has to be by an ocean because the Old Man thinks about seeing it: it must be close enough for some non-soldier non-merchant to go to once in a while, which Iran's northern and southern parts are. I'm saying it takes place in Iran because shah is an ancient Irani/Persian/probably-better-name-I-forget for king, hence the famous Shāhanshāh/شاهنشاه , or King of King's title, you see in ancient Persia. Plus you got names like Ha'ad, that tongue/throat pause thingy is very Middle Eastern. Adamu is an Assyrian name too.
>Lod is introduced as a kid guard
>kid is born that shouldn't be because timing was bad "Three this spring not good enough."
>Yoel has to cut down (cut the umbilical cord or kill Adamu?) soon "In seven sleeps, The old man says. I told you this."
>Gran-Ima/Ima is a midwife
>Lod is a protective autistic amongst the kids "Throw it! His friend says. At the girls, watch them run. Before he can ask the stone, before he can say no, Ha’ad snatches the stone out of his grasp and his stone is taken and hurled at Chava.", (who asks the stone if he can be thrown?) and "Gran-Ima sings and Adamu cries and Lod and other youngers and Chava and other girls listen. Lod hears scream and feels danger but there is no danger."
>the village was horrible, they didn't even shit in the river/dig holes to shit in it.
>Lod sees the woman, get erect, gets made fun of by (((Ha'ad)))
>Lod kills faggot Ha'ad. Good riddance, I hate wannabe jannies
>I don't understand the punishment: "The men bark at the children to lead them. This is it. This is how they do wrong. Adamu is not cut, and Oa poisons water and now children are stealing shah. Yoel runs alongside everyone else and catches a glimpse of the child on the ground and the earth beneath holding him ready.". Adamu maybe, but why poison the water?
>funeral (for in the future Lod or Ha'ad now?) takes place
>Gran-Ima can't find Old Man
>Lod is dying slowly
>Adamu isn't crying
>cue credits
I'm just confused on the rituals/connection between Adamu and Lod. Thematic, not just familial/tribe connection. I'm sad for Adamu, he did nothing wrong but got all the worst luck. I'm sad that Lod went out like a chump, he could have been a powerful
tl;dr fuck Ha'ad
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