It’s striking how often women who pursue gender transition appear swept up in a mix of social contagion and personal confusion. The moment they begin to “pass” convincingly is often precisely when the gravity of their choice becomes clear. Yet rarely will they admit they could not bear the experience of being male, a reality that even for average-looking men is often far harsher than anything they knew as women, even those who were unalluring, unattractive, or just plain.

Instead, many conjure elaborate rationalizations to sidestep this uncomfortable truth. They invoke convenient narratives of vague or unverified trauma, ambiguous claims of abuse, or that ever-flexible buzzword “internalized misogyny,” all in service of avoiding the glaring reality that life as a man, stripped of female privilege, can be brutally unforgiving.

The difference is not subtle. Men, even unremarkable ones, face social expectations of stoicism, expendability, and constant performance without the safety net of presumed victimhood or the effortless social currency that even below-average women possess. When these detransitioners talk candidly, you hear the despair. They wonder if they can ever “go back,” if they can reclaim the relative ease they once took for granted. The breakdowns, the desperate moves to start over, and the unspoken fear of being seen as the ultimate social pariah: a transgender woman, revealing just how severe the reckoning can be.

And no, most do not make a clean escape. Hormone use can leave permanent, conspicuous markers of their mistake. The children they bear may suffer developmental compromises. The caliber of partner they can attract, whether for casual use or for financial support, is often diminished, a reality that stings all the more once the realization of just how easygoing their default lives could of been.

In the end, this may be one of the rare moments in history when women are truly forced to face the consequences of naiveté and blind conformity.