I found out a trans girl who abused me moved into my area and I keep seeing her around.

The last time I saw her in person was when she was walking out of the liquor store the same time I was entering, and she grinned at me. I had to calm myself down in the cold room of the store and I'm paranoid to leave my house.

The worst part is now I've been having sex dreams about her and I've only been able to get off to the thought of her raping me and treating me like shit like she used to when I lived with her. I keep seeing her on dating apps as well and a part of me actually fucking considered letting her break me again. I know consciously this is a bad idea but this little compulsion in the back of my head wants it to happen again.

Why am I like this? Anyone else get these thoughts?