>>508773274
I'll tell you anon.

We are moving all true americans underground.

We blood tested everyone, and moved them to underground bunkers because right now we are shitting bricks because the Devil is watching.

But the Devil is awesome and amazing, but scares the shit out of people with nuclear bombs.

>>507786046
They kidnapped all of humanity and replaced them with clones.

But only the Europeans and Chinese.

Muslims got left behind.

Your parents aren't actually your parents and are actually robots but have been hiding this fact from you to draw out the aliens who were arriving to feast on humans.

But then the aliens found salted water and mushroom fish people.

Your family is safe, and very far away.