this guy raped me

>me 18
>him 45ish
>lures me with pics on grindr
>nice house, takes me upstairs
>way more muscular and fit than I am
>wrestles me down on the bed
>feel his dick against my hole, ask him to stop
>doesn't, makes me take him in my ass raw even though I protest, then holds me down while he pumps into me
>dick is way too big, I cry that he's hurting me
>beg him to stop
>he ignores me, cums inside me
>feel his cock pulse, breeding me for like a full minute and then finally pulls out
>I cry and run to bathroom leaking his cum
>he stays by door and coaxes me out again
>He insists I can't leave until I help him out again
>I say okay whatever you want
>he has me lick his balls and suck his cock while he sits on top of me
>I cry but don't resist and suck him obediently to get him to cum faster
>eventually cums again and makes me swallow it all
>then awkwardly offers me a drink and a smoke
>so shocked I just accept
>we make awkward small talk while drinking in front of his fireplace as if he didn't just rape me
>shaken, ass still leaking his cum, make an excuse to leave
>on the way out, slaps my ass and sticks his middle finger in my hole
>"your ass felt really good."
>his huge cock rapidly becomes erect again, I worry he's going to rape me again but he finally lets me go

It shattered my masculinity as a teenager. he raped me and used my holes for enjoyment, he was stronger and he made me please him like a bitch. ngl I masturbated a lot thinking about it after.