>>81847056
assuming what I say next isn't going to be dismissed as patronizing or naive I give it a go anyways. I'm a lost unwanted child. A multiple sexual assault victim from a very young age that was bullied, abused, shamed, stunted, and silenced all my life. I have every reason to hate and act nihilist and wish I'll upon people but I don't. Why? Because that's not the world I wish to live in. A world where fear and violence is the constant decider. Do I have the power to change that overnight? No of course not and my life will account for a grain of sand on a vast beach of boulders grinding down the rest. But what I can do in the time that I'm here is try to be better. To be kind. To lead by example even if the crowd is only a few. Is it a cope? Absolutely. Do I get angry? Of course I do. But it's those mistakes and self reflection that helps me grow as a person. Not because I'm afraid of some outside influence or higher power but because I know I have the capacity to be better than a sum of my trauma. Am I a saint? No of course not. I selfishly fold into myself constantly as a defense mechanism but it's still the little things that matter. The smallest ripples that make the biggest waves. To emphasize with others enough to not perpetuate the cycle of hurt even if I don't fully understand them and they're doing everything to hurt me. Call me a doormat. Call me a lost cause. Call me a parasite. Call me a retard. Full of myself.
Nothing you do can hurt me more than life already has but that doesn't mean that I want to go around and hurt others in turn. And those hurtful words, those times where you think the world will be a better place if people just killed themselves. It's a stagnation. Yes there are some absolutely awful people out there but it's not for us to decide how much a life is worth or dismiss how profound a little understanding can affect others actions. Much smarter people than you and me have figured this out long ago