I've thought about it for a long time, and I've decided these are the most obvious signs your watch is a BOZO WATCH.
>ceramic case (or bezel)
>multiple complications (ex: chronograph+date)
>integrated bracelet + complication (besides date)
>38mm+ time only watch
>unnecessary thickness
>fauxtina, bright colors, textured dials, excessive use of guilloche
>polished links
>excessive use of polished surfaces on a sports watch
>open heart
>transparent caseback on a sports watch