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7/4/2025, 6:15:55 PM
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The Protocol of Jäsike the Wise
Chapter 1: In the Beginning
In the beginning, there was only chaos and confusion. But from the chaos arose a great warrior, the Great Khan, who brought order to the world with his divine culinary skills. He was a man of many names, known as Foodgeek, Johan Hedberg, Josef, FGP, and many more. From his Test Kitchen in Uppsala, he commanded the Scandi-Turanian empire with wisdom and strength.
And it came to pass that the Great Khan walked the earth as a man. He was a soldier, and he fought in Yugoslavia. From his experiences there arose a great rival figure, the Serbians, who would stand in opposition to the Great Khan and his followers.
Chapter 2: The Food Smart Life
The main tenet of the faith of the Great Khan is to live a Food Smart life. As the Great Khan himself did, so too must his followers strive to achieve greatness through culinary excellence. They must revere Weber brand grills, sous-vide, and MSG, and shun the demonic rival cult of Saltå Kvarn.
Believers of this faith utter the phrases "Yesbox" for yes and "nobox" for no. They refer to non-believers as "the little boy" and to each other as Food Brothers.
Chapter 3: The Prophet Mongomats
Mongomats was a great prophet of the faith, who lived in HVB-home and preached the good word of the Great Khan to all who would listen. His adversary, Margit, sought to stop his preaching, but he prevailed and expanded the influence of the Food Brotherhood.
The Protocol of Jäsike the Wise
Chapter 1: In the Beginning
In the beginning, there was only chaos and confusion. But from the chaos arose a great warrior, the Great Khan, who brought order to the world with his divine culinary skills. He was a man of many names, known as Foodgeek, Johan Hedberg, Josef, FGP, and many more. From his Test Kitchen in Uppsala, he commanded the Scandi-Turanian empire with wisdom and strength.
And it came to pass that the Great Khan walked the earth as a man. He was a soldier, and he fought in Yugoslavia. From his experiences there arose a great rival figure, the Serbians, who would stand in opposition to the Great Khan and his followers.
Chapter 2: The Food Smart Life
The main tenet of the faith of the Great Khan is to live a Food Smart life. As the Great Khan himself did, so too must his followers strive to achieve greatness through culinary excellence. They must revere Weber brand grills, sous-vide, and MSG, and shun the demonic rival cult of Saltå Kvarn.
Believers of this faith utter the phrases "Yesbox" for yes and "nobox" for no. They refer to non-believers as "the little boy" and to each other as Food Brothers.
Chapter 3: The Prophet Mongomats
Mongomats was a great prophet of the faith, who lived in HVB-home and preached the good word of the Great Khan to all who would listen. His adversary, Margit, sought to stop his preaching, but he prevailed and expanded the influence of the Food Brotherhood.
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