i feel second best in my friend group. while my friends seem to socialize with each other freely, it’s a struggle to get one of them to talk with me, since they ignore what i say most of the time. on top of that, i’m confident my friends barely know anything about me, whereas i could practically tell you my friends life stories. also, my friends regularly make jokes at my expense.

what got me on this train of thought was how my one friend did an impromptu ranking of the room, where he gave me a B, and everyone else an S. before i continue, we are all college students above the age of 20. anyways, this isn’t the first time one of my friends decided to do a tier list about us, and i’ve noticed that im either put in the middle or towards the bottom

at the same time, i’ve experienced good times with these people, and we still hang out regularly. i worry that i may be too paranoid, which in retrospect has led me to squander good friendships. however, i remember feeling then the same way that i feel now, so maybe those friends weren’t very good to begin with

if i were to confront my friends about my feelings, then they would probably ostracize and eventually excise me, like they have with people in the past whose behavior they did not approve of. to be honest, that scares me a little, since i don’t think i’ll be able to make friends as easily as i get older.

at this point, i just want to be part of a friend group where i feel valued and don’t have to constantly question if i belong or not. to achieve that, maybe i need to change my thinking, or my friends, or even both. what do you guys think