>>33413452
>Yeh. Like, being raped by goblins or whatever. Is that actually funny to them?
It's not funny to them, it's thinly-veiled fetishism. My first irl campaign was done at a game store. One of the employees would run campaigns on the weekends. Because I'm mixed, he had my character enslaved and would constantly make jokes about it and would often allude to rape with other female pc's. It turned me off of it for a couple years.

>>33413456
>OK but I'd rather she be pleasantly surprised than disappointed kek
Again, you're falling at the first hurdle. She's not going to be interested if that is her first impression, thus you won't get to the part where She's pleasantly surprised.
>She's less likely to leave if she has lower standards so yes
I would argue this because that just increases your competition.

>>33413457
>very gross stuff
Yeah, I don't get it. I'm already averse to using rape as a storytelling tool, never mind using it as a joke or as a plot point.