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6/19/2025, 12:59:46 PM
«What is your position right now.»
...Looking at your back?
«How much.»
What? Enough to see it properly? Which is a lot of twisting, but it's not like you're, um— like you're— oh, God. Richard. What is this?
«I subdivided your vertebrae. You have approximately 70.»
That sounds like a lot.
«Double. They are half the typical size. The next step is elongating them.»
...So you'll be taller?
«No.»
«Maybe. Slightly. Do not set your expectations high. This is a mandatory step for the additional appendage.»
«In the meantime, you are significantly more flexible. I have enhanced your core muscles to account for this. Notify me of instability in the region immediately.»
Okay, this is— you can work with this. This isn't bad at all. Can you do a flip now?
«Flexibility is not a major component of 'doing flips.'»
Well, then it's his job to improve whatever the major component is, okay? You want to do a flip. How do you get out of this box?
«I informed your uncle that you would figure it out yourself.»
Henry isn't your—
«I don't care. That is what he told me he was. Go ahead and figure it out.»
Fine. "[OPEN]," you say to the ceiling, which rumbles, caves, and deposits ten feet of dirt on your head. You find this preferable to the box and are out shortly.
Henry is there, with a rag, to greet you and wash off the paint. You're going with paint. He is nice, he is friendly, he reacts appropriately when you tell him you have 70 vertebrae: everything is fine, but you need to get out. You need to talk to real people aboveground. Of course Henry says he understands, that it's been quite a while, that you're welcome back anytime, and you leave before Claudia can ask you to do a flip you can't do yet.
———
It is early evening, whichever day it is— you have a bad sense you were locked down there for a while. Hopefully Gil's been doing okay. Damnit! You should've told him what to work on when you were in his dream.
«Beetles is an adult man. I am certain he is capable of choosing his own course of action.»
Like inventing something to save the world with? Poor Gil. At least Teddy is there to be a dumb spirit guide, or whatever. What should you be doing when you get back?
«You are an adult woman, even if you frequently behave otherwise. You are also capable of—»
Yeah, yeah. You should probably go see Lucky, shouldn't you? If he's on your side now, it'd be nice to know for sure, and if he changed his mind, you can use your... lizard powers. You can eat him before it becomes a big problem. Plan: made.
«...»
And it's an excellent plan. He's stunned by its excellence, you can tell. Now, then: off you go!
———
"Ms. Fawkins."
Lucky isn't calling you Leftenant. This is a good sign. Your wanted poster was missing from the billboard. This is also a good sign. Lucky is raising his finger and taking a swig from a bottle of grainy brown liquid. Mud? No. Wait.
"Is that firewater?" you say.
(3/5)
...Looking at your back?
«How much.»
What? Enough to see it properly? Which is a lot of twisting, but it's not like you're, um— like you're— oh, God. Richard. What is this?
«I subdivided your vertebrae. You have approximately 70.»
That sounds like a lot.
«Double. They are half the typical size. The next step is elongating them.»
...So you'll be taller?
«No.»
«Maybe. Slightly. Do not set your expectations high. This is a mandatory step for the additional appendage.»
«In the meantime, you are significantly more flexible. I have enhanced your core muscles to account for this. Notify me of instability in the region immediately.»
Okay, this is— you can work with this. This isn't bad at all. Can you do a flip now?
«Flexibility is not a major component of 'doing flips.'»
Well, then it's his job to improve whatever the major component is, okay? You want to do a flip. How do you get out of this box?
«I informed your uncle that you would figure it out yourself.»
Henry isn't your—
«I don't care. That is what he told me he was. Go ahead and figure it out.»
Fine. "[OPEN]," you say to the ceiling, which rumbles, caves, and deposits ten feet of dirt on your head. You find this preferable to the box and are out shortly.
Henry is there, with a rag, to greet you and wash off the paint. You're going with paint. He is nice, he is friendly, he reacts appropriately when you tell him you have 70 vertebrae: everything is fine, but you need to get out. You need to talk to real people aboveground. Of course Henry says he understands, that it's been quite a while, that you're welcome back anytime, and you leave before Claudia can ask you to do a flip you can't do yet.
———
It is early evening, whichever day it is— you have a bad sense you were locked down there for a while. Hopefully Gil's been doing okay. Damnit! You should've told him what to work on when you were in his dream.
«Beetles is an adult man. I am certain he is capable of choosing his own course of action.»
Like inventing something to save the world with? Poor Gil. At least Teddy is there to be a dumb spirit guide, or whatever. What should you be doing when you get back?
«You are an adult woman, even if you frequently behave otherwise. You are also capable of—»
Yeah, yeah. You should probably go see Lucky, shouldn't you? If he's on your side now, it'd be nice to know for sure, and if he changed his mind, you can use your... lizard powers. You can eat him before it becomes a big problem. Plan: made.
«...»
And it's an excellent plan. He's stunned by its excellence, you can tell. Now, then: off you go!
———
"Ms. Fawkins."
Lucky isn't calling you Leftenant. This is a good sign. Your wanted poster was missing from the billboard. This is also a good sign. Lucky is raising his finger and taking a swig from a bottle of grainy brown liquid. Mud? No. Wait.
"Is that firewater?" you say.
(3/5)
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