>>528906887
>i definitely died when i was 18 and have been stuck in a rather pathetic state of arrested development since then
I'm just gonna interject some positivity for you. Keep your head up, sincerely. I don't want to go into agonizing detail but I'm in my very early 30s. I started off this year choking up and struggling to breathe thinking about how things went down with somebody that I was really attached to. This was a persistent feeling that wore me down and was continuing to wear me down until just a couple of days ago. No, I am not on an upswing, I genuinely have been made happy because toughing it out and putting up with the bullshit did ultimately lead me to my ultimate prize.
It's very easy to get gripped in by the darkness and let it swallow you like quicksand, I have been there but you really do need to keep your eyes open, head high, and not crash and burn. I can't begin to tell you how close I was to basically just swearing off even trying to get close to people from here, or online in general because it was the same pattern, again and again. Meet a great person, hit it off, enjoy them, then they get bored of me because someone else said their character was cute, suddenly tossed aside.

I can not tell you how it will manifest, or if it's even a person that'll pull you from the abyss, but I can say you need to keep your head high and keep trying. I had my entire reality and "Pretty fucking sure about this being the only way to be happy" flipped upside down and shattered to smithereens to the point I can honestly say they saved me from myself in my darkest of hours, and were the only one to see how direly wrong something with me was because of how I was slowly distancing.
Maybe it goes like mine, someone actually makes that effort to meet and get to know you for you and that in person sincerity melts away all the ice because they see your flaws and scars and still will love YOU for you no matter how broken you feel.
Best wishes to you, kindred spirit