i'm a 20/21 Year old MtF that's been living in iraqi krudistan for basically most of her life and i have been going through streaks of "Its so over" to "were so back" so long that i don't really know what is what anymore

i've known i was trans ever since i was like 14 and tried to come out to my family when i was 15
it was not fun

they're highly conservative muslims with a chainsmoking dad that walked around half naked around the house beating me or my mom up whenever we would get too loud or i do things like i close his door while he's asleep (mom said he couldn't breathe well when his door was closed so i wanted to see if i could kill him "by accident")
at least he quit being a drunkard before i was born so i never had to deal with that
got threats from my family that i'd end up being a toy to be raped by old men on the street and even pretended to "take me to them" one time
blah blah blah
i live in the middle east you get the gist already
and i'm afraid of some family members finding this if i talk too much and they piece two and two together

at least HRT is really easy to get
i got estrogen as young as fifteen years old but i never took too much or tried to fully transition because i was scared my family would find out
turns out you can just walk to a pharmacy and ask for estrofem or cyproterone and they just give it to you LOL
i'm
very sad that i couldn't megayoungshit though

i've only started seriously transitioning a few months ago because a texan T-girl i've known since the start of the year confessed to me and it felt
really nice.
she gave me enough courage to actually do what i've wanted and made me realize that asylum to america is an option i could actually try
i only know one other trans person whos this pre FtM friend i met in college with VERY overprotective parents

i wanna study to get a good GED and get a part-time job and go to texan college with her as my roomie and have a happily ever after

is it over or not? fuimrungoutofspace-