Whenever I see a trans woman in real life I fantasize about being her friend but I know she would probably hate me for being a disgusting horrible skinwalking chaser who should just transition already. Whenver I see a trans man in real life I imagine (without fantasizing) that I could try to be his friend but he would see right through me and think I was gross, cringe, and ick, or if it ever became a real friendship I'd just become a BPDemon and ruin everything like I always do.

The only way around this is to date a trans man as a flaming homosexual, which sounds ridiculous, or to date a trans woman as a toxic caricature of masculinity, which sounds like torture. Perhaps I could replace my true, creepy awful self that sucks all the joy out of everything and makes everyone uneasy, with this fabricated self that does what others expect of me, and I would no longer be lonely. But I could do the same with cis people except it would be worse because they'd throw me out. So it will have to be trans.

Where's the flaw in this plan?