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7/6/2025, 7:02:41 PM
>>42330685
Oh wow, it's impressive (in a bad way!) that I managed to a) briefly confuse myself about the purpose of the Comedy tag and b) write that the horror scenarios are what you'd expect from the genre, and somehow not reach the "it's a horror parody" conclusion. I'm feeling more raratarded than usual, though it might be the lack of sleep or the air temperature right now.
I think you've been too soft on the writing, if anything. It doesn't flow poorly, which is very important, but there was very little care put into making sure that even all the words are in the right places, to not say anything about punctuation. Strongly carried by the fun AU, for those who like those kinds of settings, at least, and ending on a 7.5/10 sounds very high to me, but I would probably give it 7/10, maybe half a grade lower. Fun fic overall.
>>42330818
Well the last few days (weeks?) have been very frantic for me, but I'll get back to you once I finish the Maize.
>>42330866
>how amateurish it is
Eh, is it that bad? It's careless and full of exclamations! ...and other dubious practices... but is using an informal style such a sin? It's too awful, just has this non-serious tone, which is sort of /almost/ OK given the tone of the fic. But the exclamation points should be toned down a lot, yes!
>you also get the sense that there's missing background information
This is a side fic to A Witch in Broad Daylight. I didn't read that one, but I liked this AU anyway.
>foals
I don't think they are. I'm pretty sure they aren't. Both from the explicit "high school" name for the school, and from their general "anime teenager" *vibe*.
>gleefully and sadistically tormented the dream demon
Yeah it felt a bit off to me at first, too, but to be desu it is a demon and this is a AU where zombies are used for school training.
>story is more of a cautionary tale against the recklessness of youth
I don't really think so. I don't think it has a deeper moral. It's just a fun little story about teenagers beating up a demon while going through a sequence of cool horror setting parodies. And that's fine, I think. As you said, the fic knows what it wants to be and does it pretty well.
Oh wow, it's impressive (in a bad way!) that I managed to a) briefly confuse myself about the purpose of the Comedy tag and b) write that the horror scenarios are what you'd expect from the genre, and somehow not reach the "it's a horror parody" conclusion. I'm feeling more raratarded than usual, though it might be the lack of sleep or the air temperature right now.
I think you've been too soft on the writing, if anything. It doesn't flow poorly, which is very important, but there was very little care put into making sure that even all the words are in the right places, to not say anything about punctuation. Strongly carried by the fun AU, for those who like those kinds of settings, at least, and ending on a 7.5/10 sounds very high to me, but I would probably give it 7/10, maybe half a grade lower. Fun fic overall.
>>42330818
Well the last few days (weeks?) have been very frantic for me, but I'll get back to you once I finish the Maize.
>>42330866
>how amateurish it is
Eh, is it that bad? It's careless and full of exclamations! ...and other dubious practices... but is using an informal style such a sin? It's too awful, just has this non-serious tone, which is sort of /almost/ OK given the tone of the fic. But the exclamation points should be toned down a lot, yes!
>you also get the sense that there's missing background information
This is a side fic to A Witch in Broad Daylight. I didn't read that one, but I liked this AU anyway.
>foals
I don't think they are. I'm pretty sure they aren't. Both from the explicit "high school" name for the school, and from their general "anime teenager" *vibe*.
>gleefully and sadistically tormented the dream demon
Yeah it felt a bit off to me at first, too, but to be desu it is a demon and this is a AU where zombies are used for school training.
>story is more of a cautionary tale against the recklessness of youth
I don't really think so. I don't think it has a deeper moral. It's just a fun little story about teenagers beating up a demon while going through a sequence of cool horror setting parodies. And that's fine, I think. As you said, the fic knows what it wants to be and does it pretty well.
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