>>81628639
I'm too nervous for that at this point.
>>81628650
I know, I know. The whole field seems compromised and dishonest. I don't want to be on some kind of brain pill and will refuse to take them but I'm just running out of options. I'm alone all the time, even when I'm around other people. I've never managed to open up to anyone I thought was a friend without them getting uncomfortable and distancing themselves from me. I can't even talk to my own mother, she doesn't try to relate and will either respond with "well anon I don't get it because I just don't think like that" or will blame my depression on genes from my dad.
I don't remember the last time I had anyone in my life ever even try to understand how I've felt about life or any loss, failure or trauma I've experienced. I'm just met with minimization or dismissal and I'm so unbelievably lonely I don't know what else to do other than pay someone to listen to me.