>>40466566

For as long as I can remember I've hated and feared life. All civilizations feed individuals to the collective, whether poor, diseased, weak or ugly. Beside people who'd steal my next breath for survival or pleasure are hypocrites ; evil relies on our permission ; evil is only rejected by accepting the need to condemn prolongs one's problems. Most intellectuals lack curiosity, disgruntled with societal stupidity yet too proud to accept information is deemed credible largely through rhetoric. Competing interests, not knowledge, even to those certified and well-read. The self-aware few lack creativity, social skill or interest. Turning inward, my abusive childhood stripped me of the ability to love or feel loved. My body is weak, asymmetrical, scarred, and ugly by social and personal metrics ; I won't feel secure in any identity ; letting go of fear and hatred without something familiar to replace them is tantamount to suicide. I live in a cycle of malaise, dissociation, and sharp persistent awareness to avoid the inevitable conclusion of a world eroding me from birth.

coldrinse