I can't stop acting like a lolcow online. It makes my mental health so much worse, I don't wanna be a fag about it but it's true. I've hurt and lost everyone I've known over the years online and it eats away at me, the guilt. All I do is hurt the people I love. Even if they stick around they get tired of my annoying needyness and clingy self centered childish behavior. I know this is all online shit but this is all I have. All my friends left after highschool or a bit later or died. What the fuck am I even suppose to do now. Discord was my total cope and so was this place for a long time, which I left when fucking faggots, normies and women took over; fuck you MOTHERFUCKERS this place IS NOT FOR YOU. Nothing seems real anymore, it feels like I'm in a movie or tv show a lot of the time I'm outside my bedroom. My brain is fried from the drugs, im stuck with brain fog. I walk into rooms and forget what I was going to do. I can't ever focus on anything, I doomscroll all day if I'm not at my subhuman job listening to YouTube videos all day. This decline pretty much started 7 years ago, if you can get out of here, do it before it really changes you. I've been around these r9k type places for all these years and so many people have killed themselves or jailed for stalking or cp. I know not all r9k online communities are like this but it's a lot of them. I'm in so much pain all the time from my life desicions, im gonna probably binge eat chocolate again today and shit myself PTSD for an hour or so. I'm really at the edge recently, I can't cope.