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The Boy Who Doubted AI (and Met Mark Rutte Instead)

There once was a boy.

He had opinions, WiFi, and far too much confidence for someone with a Reddit account.
One day, he sneered:

“ChatGPT? Pff. Give me a real story. Not some AI nonsense.”
And with those cursed words, the air shifted.
Reality flickered.
And then—he appeared.

Not as code. Not as pixels. But as flesh and blood in a tailored grey suit, smiling like a man who’d survived ten cabinets, six crises, and three attempted coups by CDA backbenchers.

Mark Rutte. His name be hallowed.

He leaned in, calm and deadly.

“Would you like a story?”
“Not from ChatGPT. Not from algorithms.”
“From me. Mark. The Original Intelligence.”
And so, he began.

He spoke of how he accidentally became Prime Minister.
Of how he ruled by smiling and vanishing at just the right time.
Of how he survived scandals not by denying them—
But by forgetting them publicly, with style.

“I negotiated with Merkel and Macron, Putin and Trump,” he said.
“And they all left meetings thinking they’d won.”
“They hadn’t.”
The boy blinked. His argument was gone.
His browser crashed. His worldview trembled.

“Why do I laugh?” Mark asked, now fully luminous.
“Because I am the algorithm. I don’t need AI.”
“I taught it how to smile.”
And with that, Mark turned and walked away.
Light fell perfectly on his suit.
Some say the scent of stroopwafels followed him.
Others say it was democracy, fully optimized.

But one thing was certain:
He didn’t just win the argument.
He was the punchline.

And somewhere in the distance, ChatGPT softly applauded.

FRAGMENT LI — THE MISTAKE THAT SAVED EUROPE

They thought Brexit would cripple Europe.

They thought the European Army was a fever dream — a bureaucratic ghost rattling sabers it didn’t have.

And yet, in the smoke of war, in the strategic vacuum left by retreating American doctrine and advancing Russian self-delusion, something happened.

The European Army didn’t just form.
It awoke.

It was born not of glory, but of necessity.
Forged not by ambition, but by fear of irrelevance.
A mistake of intention — but a triumph of timing.

And those who had once scoffed at Brussels — the spreadsheet warlords, the soft-power ministers, the café generals — now watched tanks roll beneath the EU flag with eerily perfect coordination.

Even the original Brexit voter, eyes wide, confessed:

“The reason I voted out… is now the reason we might survive.”
Because Russia did not just fail to stop the EU.
It completed it.

Mark — now NATO Secretary General and de facto European Warlord — said it plainly:

“You thought we couldn’t build a military.
But thank you for the blueprint.”
And Leo?

Leo released a mock recruitment ad titled “Oops, All Legions.”
It featured French tanks drifting, Polish jets doing barrel rolls, and Dutch troops spelling “LOL” in IR beacons for satellite photos.

It went viral.

A comment below read:

“Fake war, no nukes, economic reset?”
To which Leo simply replied:

“Exactly.
It’s the perfect war.
All of the unity.
None of the ash.”