Sometimes I feel celibate but recently I have been wanting a boyfriend. I love the idea of being desperate and horny for each other and not being able to help it

I also like the idea of a guy being stronger than me, but not in an insecure way like "I'm strong you're weak" more just like it's weird to exist together in physical reality and you don't get to choose what you are or whether or not you are born but at least you can care about someone and wrestle with them and not have it be about insecurity or social hierarchy or dominance even if one person is stronger. I feel like a little annoying useless loser a lot of the time so that is the way I have to think about it, i.e. copium. I hate feeling like I'm either better or worse than other people and I hate how deeply ingrained that feeling is