I feel like due to autism and adhd i was basically forcefemmed as a kid.

>nonviolence
I was always instructed to never start fights and ignore kids who bullied me. My school teachers and admins were also extremely anti violence, i got punished the one time i tried to defend myself and basically was indoctrinated to never do that.

>academics
Heavily incentivize sedentary, obedient, meticulous organized behavior. I had a rambunctious physical nature but this was punished over and over.

>autism and VR
most obvious one: i hyperfixated on videogames and got used to experiencing fictionional worlds in third person and even was able to select a female avatar in pokemon starting as a kid.

>friend groups
I had difficulties socializing with boys due to the banter and taunting which I took too literally and inability to play by their rules, so after age 8 I socialized more and more with girls. This started a feedback loop of imitating their speech, mannerisms and interests just to fit in, have friends, and get anywhere socially.

>social stigma against attraction to women.
The final blow is this overwhelming sense that pursuing women is really cringe, creepy, misogynistic and bothering them, objectifying them etc. I basically learned in order to have female friendships i had to train myself to never have feelings or notice them sexually. Meanwhile boys who liked me were extremely forward about it. Everyone would just laugh and gossip about me being gay anyway. Eventually I just started dating a guy and at that point going on HRT was basically just practical. I have never kissed a girl in my life. I am 33 now.

Anyone else feel this way? I feel basically like I was socialized as a girl by force. I don't mind it but it's kind of weird.